“In order not to suffer, you had to renounce love. It was like putting out your own eyes in order not to see the bad things in life.”
–Paulo Coelho
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My thoughts exactly
Aug 25, ’11
10:09 AM
Sunday Funday!
May 23, ’11
11:39 AM
So yesterday, The Girlfriend & I spent the day together; went to brunch, did a bit of wandering, relaxed all afternoon at her place.
For brunch, had myself a super tasty Cuban sandwich, and I tried her mussels (first time I’ve ever tried ’em), which I found quite good! This, of course, threw her for a loop again, as she’s been trying to figure out what flavors/textures I like, and which ones I don’t. I’m all over the place with this though: I like sushi, but not mushrooms, french fries, but not potatoes. The list of random pickiness goes on.
The food thing has been really interesting with us; she’s a serious foodie and a great cook, but also super allergic (and has decided to go gluten-free), while I’m pretty basic in my food tastes and, quite simply, somewhat picky. But her excitement for food is completely contagious; I find myself totally wanting to try the things she concocts/orders/mentions.
After brunch, we meandered down Beacon to Coolidge Corner, stopping in a few shops, then relaxed with some coffee (for her) and lemonade-tea (for me), while reading and enjoying the gluten-free cupcakes I’d picked up for her at Sweet.
Finally, we went back to her place, where we dozed, snuggled, and nerded out for the rest of the day. Just a really brilliant day. Looking forward to many more with her!
Slings and Arrows
Dec 18, ’09
10:30 PM
I had a hell of a time the last few months. Amber, who was living with me, & I broke up in August. That same week, my best friend’s father died very suddenly, and because of how things worked out with my schedule, I couldn’t even take off to support him at the funeral.
And to top it off, I ceased to be an employee of Apple in September. After everything else, I was totally thrown. My initial reaction was fear. What am I going to do? After the shock passed, I sat down & started looking at things, and was overcome with relief. It was like I had been stuck, and was now literally and figuratively cut free. My only remaining fear was in regards to my healthcare, but thankfully there’s a subsidy in place for anyone who’s lost their job since September 2008 that’s helping with that.
I’ve spent the last few months taking a hard look at my expenses & figuring out how it’s all going to work, and have decided to make a go of it as a web developer. Thankfully, I’d already secured steady work from Elative Marketing, and while I’ve had to learn a great deal very quickly, I’m very keen on continuing my relationship with them.
As for my music, it’s been way too long. I’ve been practicing more lately, and I’ve really got the itch. So if anybody needs a bassist, say the word!
Retraction — The End
Jul 22, ’09
9:30 AM
So we’re back together. Yeah, I know, we’re being a yo-yo couple, but seriously, things are good now. The whole “breakup” was very cathartic for Amber; she let go of a whole ton of anger & bitterness that was eating away at both of us. We both feel like a huge weight is gone, & we can be more open & genuine than we have in a long time. So, just like for me the breakup over the fall was good for me to sort things, so was this one for her (albeit, thankfully, much shorter).
Even more important for me, she’s using the word “love” again, which is huge. Fear gets in the way of so much…
I Love her very dearly (yes, that’s a capital “L”) & I want everyone to know!
The End
Jul 1, ’09
12:45 AM
[Edit: We’re back together again. I know, I know… I’ll write about it soon.]
We broke up.
The last few months have been a struggle. Certainly I was, and still am, glad to have her back in my life. The silence that existed without her was deafening. But the mistrust, the constant struggle, it blotted out the sunshine our relationship needed to flourish & grow again.
I certainly sowed the seeds of that mistrust long ago, and I tried to uproot that foul growth & replace it with something, anything, that was better.
Instead, after two heart-wrenching arguments, we let it go.
I’m sad, and angry, that I couldn’t make things better, but most of all I’m worried about her. She is very much not ok, and awkward as it may be, I want to be there for her, even if I am “just” a friend now.
A friend of mine I shared this with already read her post on this topic, and it offers more insight into why things didn’t grow & heal. Please feel free to read & comment there as well as here if you like.
The Truth
Feb 13, ’09
8:44 PM
Bottom line is that couples that are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else. But the big difference is they don’t let it take them down.
— Scrubs (via littlemiss)
